The Best Porn Games are arguably one of the only reasons for getting out of bed in the first place, but let’s be real: you don’t even have to drag your ass out from under the sheets to appreciate a fap-worthy RPG or titty-infused adventure game. In another life, before I was ThePornDude, I wasted countless hours of productive company time playing cartoon porn games and X-rated incremental clickers. These days, a bit of one-handed strategy or some adult dating sims are all in a day’s work. Hell, if I haven’t blown a load to a porn game today, it means I haven’t been doing my job!
Whether you’re getting paid for it or just whiling away the hours in your mom’s basement before your new waifu pillow arrives in the mail, it’s hard to beat the joy of an interactive adult experience. It is, in fact, one of the main reasons I started BestPornGames.com, a spinoff of ThePornDude where I rank and review the world’s best porn games. I’ve been building the site for a while now, but I haven’t mentioned it much around here because I’m such a modest motherfucker. Well, today seems like a good day for tooting my own horn. Speaking of, better pass the tissues this way because I’m about to pop a huge, creamy toot.
The Best Porn Games in Your Favorite Categories
Alright, let’s get right down to it. What are the Best Porn Games? Well, it probably depends, a hell of a lot, on who you ask. Your friend who loves visual novels might have wasted the whole day jerking off to Hentai Heroes or Dreams of Desire, but your kinkster friend who sleeps with a buttplug and chastity cage might be playing something like Slave Lords of the Galaxy or Didnapper. The girls who like girls may tell you Girlvania Summer Lust is the absolute shit, while those who prefer their girls to have big dicks might recommend some futanari fun like Tales of Androgyny or Lewd Maze. Your mom, on the other hand, might be spending her days diddling herself while clicking her way around Ben X Slave Quest.
My point is that “best” means different things to different perverts, so there’s really no one-size-fits-all approach to the question. That’s also why I’ve divided BestPornGames.com into dozens of sex game categories. There’s no sense getting all blue-balled flipping through a list of smutty RPGs when you’re just looking for a nice, casual slot machine with naked ladies to give you those Vegas thrills. That way, at least, you won’t lose your wallet or contract the chlamydia you caught last time you visited the real Sin City.
The real question is, what’s your idea of the best porn game? I’ve sorted and ranked my lists, so it’s easy to find something that floats your boat right away. I’ve got Action Adventure Porn Games, Porn MMO Games, Porn Clicker Games, Casino Porn Games, and Furry Porn Games. In addition, there are exhaustive lists of the best Visual Novel Porn Games, BDSM Games, Lesbian Porn Games, Strategy Porn Games, and Parody Porn Games. I’ve even got Gay Porn Games for the homos, VR Porn Games for the futuristic motherfuckers with space helmets, and a whole fucking ton of RPG Porn Games for those of you who’ve been banned from D&D night at the local comic book shop.
A Few Words from The Porn Dude
If this is your first time visiting ThePornDude, welcome! And to those of you who have swung by before with your dicks hanging around already have an idea how it all works. I break down the different adult sites into categories, rank them in the order I think will appeal to you perverts the most, and dig in to write in-depth reviews that really get into the nitty-gritty, telling you what’s good and what’s bad about that hentai library, that premium teen lesbian paysite, or that kinky porn forum.
The setup’s pretty much the same over at BestPornGames; only I’m reviewing video games you can jerk off to instead of websites you can jerk off to. There’s actually a bit of overlap since so many of the games can be played on the web. With games like ComixHarem, the site is the game, and the game is the site. And that’s one of the reasons you’ll find some porn game reviews on this site, but the deeper archives are on Best Porn Games.
Just like it is here, one of the main reasons to find your BestPornGames on the site of the same name is that you can read fap-worthy video game reviews by yours truly. I’d be a fucking lame-o poser if I just made lists of games without trying them myself, so I spend time with every one of them before I decide where it falls on those rankings of Simulation Porn Games, Porn Puzzle Games, or Incest Porn Games. Of course, you’ll also get that trademark brand of hilarious, side-splitting, filthy, and rude humor that put your old pal ThePornDude on the map. (You’ll also find my crude comedy over at PornDudeCasting, along with real videos of me banging some of the world’s most beautiful pornstars and amateurs!)
I mean, sure, you could spend hours fap-testing games like Big Bang Empire, Cunt Wars, and Angry Bangers, trying to decide which is the best one to play when you’re binging on Viagra and bong hits. Alternately, you could take a few minutes to check out my reviews to see which hit those notes you look for in a good sex video game. You can also scroll to the bottom and get the tl;dr version on my checklists of Likes and Hates from each game. I’ll tell you if they hammer you with in-game purchases, ads, and lousy titty art, or if it’s got an engrossing story, killer anime animation, and high-end ASMR audio.
Play One-Handed on Any Platform
Just as a random example of the kind of stuff you can find over at BestPornGames.com, let’s take a look at my write-up of The Mating Season. It’s by Akabur, who’s one of the most popular porn game designers on the Internet. You’ll understand why as soon as you play it because the presentation feels so fucking professional you’d swear it was an officially licensed product if the Ninja Turtles weren’t gang-fucking April O’Neil.
My review digs into the gameplay, the artwork, and even the music, which is pretty damn high-end for a free porn game. As with any of the games I review, I give you a link to play it and tell you what systems it works with, in this case, Windows, Mac, Linux, and Android. I’ve listed the Best Porn Games on every platform, mobile or otherwise, so you can always have something interactive to masturbate with.
You know, if I had to list the worst thing about BestPornGames.com, I’d say it might be the potential spoilers. I try to avoid giving away too much, but it’s just the nature of reviews that I’m probably going to spell out some of the storylines and mention some of the game’s high points. The Mating Season has a lot of WTF moments, so those of you who appreciate surprises all the way through may want to skip the full review and just play the game. If that’s your play style, you’ll relish how I’ve got everything ranked; you don’t have to read every review to know which game I’d put at the top of every category.
Other than that, the worst thing about the site is how badly it’s going to fuck up your productivity if you’re a gamer and have boners on the regular. Before I started Best Porn Games, there really wasn’t anywhere on the web where you could find exhaustive, categorized adult game listings with ranks and reviews. Of course, there are some copycats out there now, but we all know who’s the original and still the best. Besides, what other porn video game site has such a charismatic, funny, and handsome mascot?
Just like ThePornDude, I’m constantly updating BestPornGames as I find new games to shake your dick at. In fact, somebody just sent me a link for a new Patreon Adult Game that I need to check out today. I know some people think it’s all fun and games being a full-time porn reviewer, and it is, but my fucking forearms are going to be tired as hell later. Well, don’t be surprised if yours are, too, at least if you love adult video games.
