I have stuck my dick in every variant of human being there is. I fucked an Eskimo on the back of a snowmobile while a polar bear watched in the distance, hoping one of us would die. I’ve even donned an oxygen mask to cornhole a Tibetian slut at the north base camp on Everest.
Dick Mission Trips
Perhaps my most harrowing sexual experience was fucking a bunch of Sentinelese women on a beach. She and her tribe were about to fill me full of arrows and eat my flesh raw because they hadn’t mastered fire yet. But just before the arrows were notched, I pulled my gigantic cock out of my pants.
They had never seen anything like it before. They stared on in awe and horror, and it got hard and rose into the air. I went from mortal enemy to immortal God in twenty seconds. Before I knew it, all of the young fertile ladies in the tribe had formed a queue in front of my dick. They laid down spread eagle and presented their tight pussies to me.
I think they intended for me to have my pick of the litter, but instead, I stayed for a couple of days and made sure every attractive bitch had a couple of goes at my meat stick. By the time I left, I had four wives and as many children on the way. Needless to say, I will not be returning. Something tells me my wives would not be happy that I suddenly left in the middle of the night to “get cigarettes.”
I once spent six months hiking through Europe with the intent of fucking bitches from as many countries as possible. I ended up working my way through the bitches and sluts of sixty-three countries. I can tell you the nationality of a bitches pussy based on smell and taste alone.
There are two jewels on my European fuck tour crown that I’m most proud of. The first is Liechtenstein. It’s such a small country that I was worried there wouldn’t be any bitches hot enough to deserve my cock. It turns out my worries were unfounded. There were plenty of sexy bitches to ride my cock up and down the narrow streets.
The second is The Vatican. I knew that getting a nun to fuck me would be easy. The challenging part would be sneaking into the country without being noticed. The Vatican has the highest per capita percentage of Porndude fans in the world. I thought I might be recognized and escorted out with a wink and smile by some overzealous guard trying to atone for his sexual sins. Fortunately, that didn’t happen, and I was able to plow through quite a few slutty Vatican bitches.
Regardless of how many bitches I fuck, one thing remains true. I love fucking black chicks. And black chicks love fucking the Porndude. It’s not every day that they see a white dick the size of Mandingo’s. Mandingos’s forearm, that is.
Look at me. I’m over here breaking down different flavors of pussy as if you have options. Unfortunately, the only race of pussy that wants to fuck you is desparatese people. So instead, let me refocus on porn because ebony porn is some of the best in the game.
And if ebony porn is on your menu for the day, then so should Adult Empire. Adult Empire is a pay-by-the-minute porn site laden with all the ebony porn your twisted little ticker could ever hope for. These bitches are slutty, black, and ready to handle your cock.
Booty for Booty
Adult Empire is a paid premium site, but they offer four ways for you to get your hands on these big black booties. Those struggling with two-pump chump issues may choose to pay by the minute. Why buy any more time than you’re going to use? Some of you dumbasses could buy time by the millisecond. I know my readership well. There are a few bastards out there slinging ropes every time a slight breeze runs up your shorts. I don’t mean to make fun of you, but I’m going to anyway. That shit is way too funny.
The second option is a two-day rental. Not every porn you beat your meat to needs to be added to the presidential library. Some just need to be enjoyed once or twice and forgotten about like a nun you fuck outside the confessional booth in a Vatican church. Rental prices change depending on the age and quality of the feature. Generally, you should expect to pay around three to five bucks. I’ll gladly pay those peanuts to see these whores gargle cock on Adult Empire.
The third option is streaming rights to the video for a lifetime. You won’t physically own a copy of the DVD or digital download, but it’s waiting for you in the cloud anytime you need it. The only downside is that you have to be connected to the internet to watch. That’s alright, though. These days we are almost always connected. Once again, the price changes depending on the video, but most hover around four to ten bucks.
The final option is to purchase a full download. That allows you to add content to your personal collection to be viewed as many times as your penis wants. As long as you have your computer or external hard drive, you can watch some of the best ebony porn in the world, even from a plane or deep in the Amazonian rainforest.
Reach Out With a Helping Pussy
It’s time to talk content, and I think “Wife Can’t Take it Anymore is the perfect place to start. It’s produced by Touch My Wife and stars Ashlyn Peaks and James Angel. Your wife, Ashlyn, is one of the most caring and loving individuals you know. That’s why it was no surprise that when Your friend James gets kicked out of his apartment by his girlfriend, Ashlyn suggests he stays with you until he is back on his feet.
You agree, and soon James has moved onto the couch in the living room. Ashlyn feels a lot of empathy for James and wants to make his stay as comfortable as possible, but from what you can tell, she cares a little too much. Eventually, she admits to you that she really wants to fuck James. You understand, but ask her to cool her jets until you figure out the situation.
However, after a few days, Ashlyn can’t take it anymore. She needs to feel James inside her, so she strips down and shows off her giant all-natural tits before showering.
James helps Ashlyn soap up her big honkers, and once he is hard, she goes down on his ample dick. She waits until he is fully invested in fucking before informing him that they should move to the bedroom because you want to watch. James is far too involved to give a shit who watches, so they move to the bed.
Your friend munches on your wife’s carpet with precision and expertise. You might need to take some notes. After busting a clit nut, she mounts James and lets him pound her from below. Both you and James are entranced by her bouncing and jiggling tits.
Then he flips the bitch around and takes her pussy doggy style before slinging ropes deep inside her vagina. I hope she is on birth control.
Big Mama Africa Tits
I can’t finish this article without mentioning “Foxxxy Brown: Big Mama Africa Tits” if only to get a chance to repeat the title. The video is a Foxy Brown parody and stars the incredibly sexy Ebony Mystique.
Ebony has enormous tits, smooth skin, a model’s face, and a prostitute’s fuckablility. This bitch is a dick pro. She handles them like making cocks cum is her life’s work. Perhaps it is.
Pee Wees for Lil Coco
I also feel like I need to mention “Lil Coco’s Perverted Adventure,” produced by Evasive Angels and starring Ashley Brooks. This video is a spin on the 1985 smash hit “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.” That’s not a film I would immediately think requires a porn parody, but when it comes to porn parodies, no stone is left unturned.
Lil Coco gets her pussy destroyed in fifteen different scenes. By the time she is done, I could have parked a Buick in her puss.
Black bitches are some of the most fun bitches to fuck. Since you’ll never have the opportunity, please enjoy the selection of ebony porn available on Adult Empire.
Adult Empire has such a massive library that I wonder if they have ever considered taking requests. They are obviously good at finding porn in every nook and cranny it hides.
Don’t just take my word for it. Pull that tiny cock of yours out and head to Adult Empire right away.
