I am a compulsive masturbator. After I rub it raw reviewing porn sites all day, I try to cool off with some regular primetime TV or blockbuster movies. I always end up spanking it to the famous broads on the screen, whether they flash their shaved twats or not. They usually don’t, ever, but when I see a chick like Brie Larson on the screen I hold out hope. The fuckers at Ancensored.com ain’t sitting on their thumbs waiting for it.
The About Us section of Ancensored.com lays it out pretty clearly. This crack team of perverts has spent the last decade building a platform for storing, sharing, and watching the biggest collection of celebrity nudes in the world. Every porn site claims they’re the best, but these numbers back it up. The stash includes over 150k videos and nearly a million pics of naked actresses, singers, athletes, and even politicians.
Naked Celebrities and A Wild Ejaculation of Spam
The front page of Ancensored looks like a flashy blog about celebrity news. The only real hint that it isn’t is the creepy dude in the logo, leering out with camera in hand. If that man’s doing his job right, the site should have some good shit to see.
After I typed that paragraph, I clicked the background on Ancensored to get back to my browser. The site repaid the favor by giving me a dose of full-screen pop-up spam, puncturing the condom of my ad-blocker. Not a great way to make an impression.
Today’s Featured and Popular Celebrities scroll by in a box toward the top. Maisie Williams took her top off on Game of Thrones the other day, so she’s at the top of the list. I didn’t know who Daniella Pineda and Sara Cardinaletti were before now, but I’ll definitely be checking them out. Scarlett Johansson and Kelly Preston are Featured and Popular today on Ancensored, just as they are on every celebrity site ever.
Instead of a page of Sansa Stark nudes, I got a pop-up that was supposed to look like a Windows error screen. It took up the whole page while three robot lady voices told me my computer had been compromised and I needed to call a phone number to get it fixed.
You’ve seen this kind of spam before, but it’s been a while since one this bad made it through my blocker. The window was very difficult to close, popping up a new one each time until my browser intervened. Some old dudes are going to have a heart attack over this shit when they were just trying to spank it to Elizabeth Olsen content.
Your Favorite Girls from Movies and TV, Naked
One thing I really like about Ancensored’s setup is they’ve got big TV Show and Movie sections. Some shitty sites only let you look up nudes by name, but this is a lot easier. If you don’t know the name of the chick you’re trying to see naked, but remember she was on the US version of Shameless, just head to that show’s page.
One thing I really hate about the site? The first time I clicked the TV Show link in the header, I didn’t go to the TV-Show page. Instead, I got another full-screen ad. Good goddamn. I’m just trying to see some premium cable titties!
It turns out the chick I was looking for is named Emmy Rossum. I’m in luck, because Ancensored has 26 pics and 5 clips of her. Emmy’s nudes are all from Shameless.
I actually only caught a couple of episodes a few years ago, so I was surprised by the wealth of material it’s given to Ancensored. There are two pages of actresses from the show, each with their own collections on the site. Naturally, every TV show and movie has its own gallery of scenes as well.
An Encyclopedia of Celebrity Nudes
One thing that Ancensored has going for it is that it’s indexed really fucking well. It’s really easy to browse because everything is linked where it should be. This naked chick was in a movie with this other naked chick, who did a sex scene in this movie that has a bunch of other sex scenes. It’s like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, only with nudes and sex scenes.
(If you actually want to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, you’ll have to start at IMDB or something first. He’s not on Ancensored’s master list, but so many of his gorgeous costars are.)
Sneak Peeks
I found weird-ass movies that make up today’s Top 100. I expected a bunch of American blockbusters, but it’s random shit I’ve never heard of like Island of the Long Ears (1990) and Timber Will Fall (2013). Maybe the site’s 14 million users are secretly a bunch of art fags.
Nestled beneath the sex scenes from Badbarbies (2014) and The Work Wife (2018), the Top 100 also features many other celebrity entries. I’m interested in the newer one, but that looks like Olivia Munn in the 2014 thumbnail, so I need a closer look.
Ancensored is really a mixed bag. There’s one thing I absolutely love about this celebrity nude site, and another I fucking hate. Whether or not the site is worth your time depends on how you feel about those things.
What’s a good trade for access to a giant collection of famous naked chicks, both video, and photos? Let’s say it’s also indexed really well, so you can find things easily and browse in a really fun way. A little bit of spam, right? Every free sex site supports itself with a few ads.
Ancensored doesn’t show you just a few ads, though. The site looks pretty clean and banner-free with an ad-blocker, but I had a serious issue with pop-up spam. Some of it was pretty malicious stuff, aimed at basically robbing you. I’m not saying Ancensored will steal your wife’s purse, but they ain’t keeping the bad guys out. Be careful.
If you can handle some serious and dangerous spam, Ancensored (often misspelled as “ancnesored”, “ancesored”, “ancencored” and “acensored”) actually has a great collection of celebrity nudes and sex scenes. The site’s biggest strength is its really kickass organization and indexing, which lets you comfortably browse from one naked actress to another. Let your dick do the driving and you’ll have a fun time.
